# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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