Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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