i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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