Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
