if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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