at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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