She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
