So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
