Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
