She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
