I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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