i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
