So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
