what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
