First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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