So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
