just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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