Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
