I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
