Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
