if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
