I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
