Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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