I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
