its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
bring money and cleavage
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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