Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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