My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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