I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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