My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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