I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
