is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
