actually, I'm a sock model
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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