she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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