No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize