woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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