Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
