Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
