Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
