Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
