The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
