i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
