I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
