So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
