If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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