like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
