We're like a lot better than the average bears
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
