dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
