The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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