Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
