Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
