We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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