Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
