true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
