Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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