So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
