So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
