Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
