Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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