i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
