Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
