He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
