thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
