come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
