you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
