take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
