Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
These tits shall not be calmed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
