yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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