No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
