'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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