I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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