Is it normal to miss your booty call?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
